Choke

The colors really tell all in this one. Blues, purples, and reds for anger, sadness, and pain. I felt like I was choking on my own emotions. I didn’t feel safe to feel. I didn’t feel safe to be human. Nowhere felt like home, I was choking back tears and I was choking back screams, and i was choking back my dreams. My nervous system was absolutely fried.

I painted 'Choke' during a significant period of turmoil, particularly in my marriage at the time. My life was about to change drastically and I didn't know it yet. The light that came out at the end of that tunnel was so beautiful that it made all of the suffering and uncertainty worth it in the end though.

Anger, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, deep, deep, DEEP depression… the kind that takes all of the energy out of your limbs and makes it hard to get off the floor. Everything felt hopeless. I’m very grateful that I had my daughter and my passion for art to keep me. I’m not sure if I would’ve made it out alive otherwise. I truly think this painting was the one to light the fire under me and confidently step into my identity of being an actual artist. I say this because I struggled with ‘imposter syndrome’. In the past I felt like I couldn’t call myself an artist because I didn’t think I was good enough to have the audacity to! What a thing to think!

‘Choke’ has already been purchased and was featured in the Terrain 16 art show in 2025!